Last year I in January, I started Weight Watchers... I was successful for a time in losing about 17 lbs by June-ish... but then we moved, life got hectic, and I got sidetracked. I love food... all kinds of food... it is all a comfort to me somehow, and I think also a good distraction to me when I want to avoid the other things I could find if I set it aside for a moment to find if my hunger is a real hunger or if it is just a pseudo hunger masking some other desire or longing.
After we moved and the craziness of life, I slowly put back most of the 17 lbs. I origionally lost. Each little pound came on so gradually, and although I knew what was happening, I resigned myself to it, and I dare say enjoyed myself with food while it occured. I'm tall, 5'11" fortunately, so I can carry it (hide it) a little easier than others, but in time, it still reveals itself when I sat down and the roll at my waist appeared.
So... a couple weeks ago, I began what worked for me again... Weight Watchers. I've dropped 6.8 lbs. by yesterday weigh in. Already I'm feeling better. Picking up a 5 lb. bag of sugar or flour shows me a visual of what I've lost. It's hard to realize until you get a visual picture like that.
Last year when I tried, I didn't set too many goals for myself... or I should say I kept my goals pretty loose. Quite interesting. Loose goals have a way of loosening themselves even farther if you don't put a lot of intention on reaching them. This year I'm committing to reaching the healthy weight for my height and build... 165-170 lbs. here I come.
And... I have to intention to stay there once I arrive. That's the other part that I learned with my failure in keeping what I had lost off. Interesting. I'm not fond of admitting to myself many things I think... orrrr, maybe I am quite fond of it and somewhere internally I beat myself over the head with it until I give up and relent and call it quits.
Quitting is a response to denial about a lot of things. Denial is a comfort mechanism. Food for me is a comfort mechanism. Now, I am realizing that I can choose to come to face God as my Comfort... all the time.... even in the midst of a busy day where I'm flying to and fro and I seek solice in a cookie or two. God desires to be to me much more than just a cookie... I know He desires to bring me a fullness like no other.... the choice is mine to seek it. Relentlessly. As He seeks me.
Yes... this time I have goals. I'm working on them... and so far, I am experiencing it all... it is good.
++God... be my fullness, and let me recieve your fullness completely. Find and reveal the places in me where I seek other comforts instead of you... help me to effectively replace those with food from your Spirit, which will conquer any hunger pang that sweeps across my ever churning mind. Help me to be present and less mindless over the possibilities that you have for me. Thank you Daddy... so much. I'm yours...++
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2 comments:
goals are good. Without knowing where we want to be how can we ever get there?
Always nice to read your words.
Take Care
micahel
You know my philosophy about food, Monica. But you go, girl! I am sure to find whatever weight you lose. I'll keep it safe for you, just in case you ever want it back. ;>)
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