in search of my mustard seeds...

Messy thoughts in my mind today... so much clutter and caca swirling around. It seems I sometimes find myself in a battle to just find how to access and live out the fruit of the Spirit...

love
joy
peace
patience
kindness
goodness
gentleness
self-control

it's a beautiful list, and definitely something I desire to have in abundance... but in this miniscule part of today, I just sense I'm not quite tapping into the full potential. These very things, the fruit of the Spirit, are weapons to dispel their opposite counterparts... so in reality their impact is huge and limitless! But why is it then, that I have days in which accessing them seems nearly impossible. I realize I'm promised that nothing shall be impossible if I have faith the size of a mustard seed? Where are all my mustard seeds today? Where is even one mustard seed?

I know there here somewhere in my heart... I've run my hands through them before, and even held one between my thumb and index finger and closely examined it... yet right now, I find that some of my fruit, namely peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control are hard to realize the presence of.



A single mustard seed grew into this

just amazing. About the only fruit I can touch today is love... I feel like it's the only one I possess... as for the others, I feel quite poor in Spirit. Is it really true that when I am weak, then I am strong? I don't feel strength, only an echo of where it and peace could be... in my heart right now I feel the bones in my knees against the floor as I seek out God in this.

I think I might go dive into the spice cabinet and dig out a mustard seed and carry it around in my pocket...

++God... I'm hoping you have something to share with me today... thank you for searching me, even though it seems to hurt... turn on your Light within me and reveal Your glory and will. I fear not bearing my weaknesses, for I know I can cling to You. Use my weakness and lack to bring forth that you are the I AM.++